Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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