Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
