Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
