When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
