we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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