The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
