You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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