Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
