babies were throwing up all over the place
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
