It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
