Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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