Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
