Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
