the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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