She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
