two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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