So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
