she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
