This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
