i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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