I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
