If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
