Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
