yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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