Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
