YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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