after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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