I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
