you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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