i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
