I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize