I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
