this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
nutella sex= disaster
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
