He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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