I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
