My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
