It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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