New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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