You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
