well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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