I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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