Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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