foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
