my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
