I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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