i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
