Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
