i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Randomize
