let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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