Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
