I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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