i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
