Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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