He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
