just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
