Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
