i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
