I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
