Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize