One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
