I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
