walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
