I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
