I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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