Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
