The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
