Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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