She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
