I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
