fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize