I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
