The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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