i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
