You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
