The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My nipple is on Facebook.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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