I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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