Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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