So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize