ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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