and you said cock pushups were impossible
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
