she woke up with a sticky ear
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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